OK, so I'm addressing it, with complete honesty. I'm not going to be a bitch, it's not my intention, just expressing my thoughts on this whole crazy family we have going on here.
(Sigh)...Ok...So, I'm just not ready. Simple as that. I know my brother and sister are obviously ready; they've gone there and are quite happy. Me, not so ready. Honestly, I still harbor some bitter hostile feelings about the whole thing. Not necessarily towards you guys. You didn't ask for this situation; neither of us did. You're just opening up, which is great. I'm just not ready to open up yet. Honestly, I don't think I'm ready to like you guys yet. And I'm sure there's a lot to like. I'm quite curious about all of you, as I've been told you are about me. I've met 2 of you, and been approached to open up contact by 2 of you. I'm curious to see if any of you have anything in common with me, which was the situation with my brother, which was the freakiest thing ever!
Two of you look so much like him. You look like more of "his kids" than we do. The similarities between the two boys is insane. It was the weirdest thing to meet him. To look at someone you've never met or known, and to have them look JUST like someone you've known all your life is really weird. Sorry if I stared at you; it was just so crazy. You look JUST like my brother!
My bitter and hostile feelings stem from the fact that we are just so close in age. The oldest one is my age! MY AGE! That hurts. And I know it's not her fault. I know this. But it doesn't make it hurt less. So with that particular person, it will be extremely difficult to open up to. Everyone else is only like a year or two away from me. I can't help but play the typical divorced kid and ask myself what was so wrong with me, with us, that he felt the need to stick it out with you guys over us.
I've been told "Get over it," "You can't punish him forever," "It's not their fault." The last statement is the only one I can agree with. And I really am trying to get over it. I'm getting better with thoughts of him, but you guys are a big challenge. Sometimes I get jealous that my brother and sister have a relationship with you and I don't. And I am also aware that that is my own choice. I am so curious; I have so many questions. I have thoughts of all of us getting together. I have such a fun time with my brother and sister now when we all get together, and if you guys are related, then I'm sure you MUST have a good sense of humor, and I think we would all have a really good time. But getting to that point will just take me some time.
Call me childish, that's fine. Say whatever you will. Hey, this blog just might be the door, I don't know. All I know is that I'm honestly scared shitless of getting to know you guys, and I need time. Please feel free to respond; I'm alright with honesty.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
You have all the time in the world, until you are ready I will not force you to open up, and if I tried to hard before and it was uncomfortable I am sorry. It is good to know your thoughts, and I apreciate the honesty, makes things easier especially on how to think about you.
I can't say I know what you feel, or mean, or have been through, nor pretend like I do, and for that reason I cannot say "get over it," or even "it's not my fault," but hopefully from here on things can only get better, and your relation with the father person and with us can only improve.
As for what we are like, sooner or later you will know on your own. but we do have a great sense of humor, a bit twisted and perverted, but I'm sure that runs in our blood.
Thanks for the post, and I look forward to the time when you are ready =)
ps. Ithe comment "just in case the other one dies" is hurtful. take care.
Yasi, I'm thinking what she means with the "in case the other one dies" is that the blog is a spare of cori, a copy of herself in a sense, and it should not be taken to mean anything towards Daniel. At least that's how I understand it.
But yeah, you all take care hehe
Thanks, Zoomy
I know, I feel so bad about my comment, but I get it. You know the thought of losing another brother or sister is scary.I mis-intrepreted, But yeah I got it! thanks Y'all! love ya! Smoking hot sisters!
I guess......better late than never.
Honesty is good...I am looking forward to maybe getting together and hanging out, Beer seems to be a common thing amongs us... I LOVE BEER!!!...I know its kind off weird coming out of left field with randoms comments but I guess thats whay I do. Just wanted to say hi and put my 2 cents in.
Peace
Love you all
Post a Comment